I can now add three more countries to the list of places I've travelled. I took more than 600 photographs on this trip and amazingly, wish I had taken more. I have virtually none of the day to day, the people, the streets...
It was my first time being in a third-world country. I was torn by the poverty and really struck by the people. This stands out most for me on the trip: the heartfelt connection I made with so many. That, and my efforts to learn and speak Spanish. I really loved this too – the feeling of inventing ways to communicate and connect, the risk and the unknown.
With this has come a desire to study Spanish in Antigua for three or four weeks in the next year or so. I met several people in Antigua who were doing this and raved about it. The schools are top-notch there and it’s just such a beautiful, easy place to be for a few weeks.
In my first blog I noted my intention was to experience more of the sacred in the everyday. This didn’t turn out how I expected at all. I was so busy with travelling and new experiences I rarely thought about this, let alone engaged in spiritual practice. Nevertheless when I look back I would say this was fulfilled in an unexpected and much more real way. Everyday I was taking risks that made me feel alive and connected. I used creativity and intuition to get by and solve problems. When things didn’t go well I focused on the positive and let go of the disappointment. Rather than separating the spiritual and the mundane in my life, I was integrating it. Not bad.
I would say that many of the people live in the moment. No matter how hard their lives are (and perhaps because of this), many are fully present and very much connected. I was privileged to witness their daily spiritual practice.
They simply put themselves into what they do (a karma yoga kind of presence) in a way that doesn’t question whether their job is good enough or someone else is better off.
It struck me that, rather than a duality or polarization between rich and poor, there is a multi-dimensionality to the social structure and day-to-day lives. It’s like several realities are occurring at the same time and interweaving. They all cross each others’ paths but not each others’ lives. This was particularly apparent to me when I entered a cathedral/museum on two occasions – one in Guatemala and one in Mexico. I stepped away from the narrow, crowded sidewalks, polluted cobblestone streets and crumbling buildings with their corrugated tin rooves and entered paradise: an entirely different scale : huge peaceful sanctuaries with exotic gardens, stunning architecture, endless rooms and endless places to explore. It was impossible to imagine the beauty, history and culture behind those walls from the outside.
I also had hoped to meet a spiritual shaman in Antigua. Strangely, I missed Elizabeth’s email reply in my Rotman inbox, only to discover it after I got home.
Returning to Toronto and waiting for the bus at the airport, I heard loudly in my mind, “What are you doing here? This isn’t your home!” A pretty clear message. It’s not that this isn’t where I need to be right now. Toronto has been a good place – it’s allowed me to go on this trip in the first place. But does it feel like home? No. I knew this before I moved here. Travelling home on the subway, I was distinctly aware of people’s self-absorption. I could feel their thoughts of wanting...their unhappiness because they didn’t have everything they wanted. I never once felt this in Guatemala or Mexico. From the ladies sitting on the filthy sidewalk sunrise to sunset chopping and bagging fruit, the children shining shoes and hawking in restaurants, and the beggars on the street. Their lives are really hard but I wouldn’t say they were self-absorbed. If someone was in trouble I would say most of them would help without hesitation.
I still don’t know what feels like home for me. But I have confirmed that travel is very worthwhile. I questioned this at the beginning of my trip, in Pana. Since then these experiences have helped me reach deep inside to find a vital person. I’m so happy I had my 49th birthday down there because it has set the tone as I approach the next decade. It’s been a tough 10 years since I went to the Ashram in January 2000, left my marriage, lost my dad, moved a bazillion times, injured my back, got into debt, and got stuck in dead-end jobs in Nelson. This trip has showed me how alive and engaged I can feel when I give myself the chance to do what I yearn to do.
More than anything I learned greater compassion. For myself. If you cannot be compassionate with yourself you will never be able to be truly compassionate with others. Now my goal is to start applying this in my regular life where old patterns are more established.
To keep the new experiences coming, I’m looking forward to starting piano lessons, continuing my astrology studies and starting a fitness routine. I've joined a "meetup" group in Toronto and will do some events with them. I also hope to study TESOL at U of T this summer. I can probably do it for free so it’s matter of it fitting into my schedule and finding the time. Until I travel again this will be my way of continuing my journey – trying new things, taking risk and meeting new people. There’s a lot to look forward to.
